The Devil's Hockey Dictionary - Part 1

A guide for translating hockey-speak for the new season.

The non office office

For my first post here, I want to have a little fun and peel back the curtain for you on the unique institutionalized language of the NHL. This is Part 1 of several.

As a fan of the incomparable Civil War writer Ambrose Bierce, and his masterwork “The Devil’s Dictionary”, a caustic and satirical tome defining English language words and phrases as he saw them in the mid-1800’s, I’m making this my homage to him and a guide for you as you’re watching.

I’ve had plenty of men inside this industry, when criticizing women on sports broadcasts, say “she’s just using all the old cliches…”. That’s not exactly right of course – but - guess what? So are you. You always have – and you seem to be stuck in it.

When Monday Night Football launched on September 21, 1970, Howard Cosell was asked by assembled media prior to kickoff of that first game in Cleveland, what he, a non-ex-player would contribute to the broadcast. His response;

“…for the intelligent viewer, I’ll destroy the parrots in the cages who have provided us with their fatigued litany for years…”

Parrots in cages…

He saw it then – and we see it now. Most sports broadcasters (hockey included) simply repeat everything every coach and player or other broadcaster over time, and “Hockey (or other sports) Person” has said to them over the years.

“Don’t take a penalty 200 feet from your own net.” So, it’s ok to take a penalty while trying to prevent a goal – but not when trying to score one??? The ledger is indifferent to either.

“They’re at home – we gotta be ready for a big push early from them.” Really? How about we push?

“Be careful – it’s the period of the long change…” but for scoring it’s the period of the short change – where we can hem ‘em in… why don’t we look at it that way?

Of course, everyone gets all geeked out about new words and phrases – every night I hear “bumper position”, “get to our game”, and “strong bottom hand” being belted out as if for the first time by anyone with a microphone… but that’s not this. Appreciate those – play a drinking game if you want – or take a pull off the blunt… whatever you like to do. But this is a translation guide to help you to decipher “hockey speak” from “hockey people” for the coming season.

So, with all that in mind – and with tongue planted firmly in cheek – and a wink and a nod to all my “Hockey People” friends - I present to you –

Part 1 of Ralph Strangis’ The Devil’s Hockey Dictionary –
ENJOY!

---

The Devil’s Hockey Dictionary

Part 1

Ralph Strangis

---

“Group” – team.

“Plays the game the right way…” - born in Canada.

“Game is too rich for him”, “Won’t dig in with the rest of us”, Can’t trust him” - a player not born in Canada.

“Gritty” – a player who collects no more than 4 goals or 12 points in any NHL season, who will never be deployed more than 8 minutes in any game, and whose career generally doesn’t last past 4 years.

“Great guy in the room” – a player who rarely has any statistical impact on a game’s outcome.