On Challenging King Babies...

Micah Parsons isn't the first guy to try going up the hill on an old, rich, powerful, white guy - he's just part of the latest, public example of the tyranny of evil men.

Jerry Jones

I know these guys. I’ve worked for guys like this. I have friends who are guys like this. My dad was a guy like this. The guys he represented and worked with are all guys like this. I’m hoping you never got cut down by guys like this. Because the thing about guys like this - guys like Jerry Jones - the one universal truth for them all is - they don’t like getting challenged. And more than they don’t like it - IT WILL NOT STAND. YOU WILL PAY SEVERELY. WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

You challenge one of these Charmin-soft, mean-spirited, self-indulgent, narcissistic power brokers and you’re not long for their world. One would hope the public can spot these assholes - and spot other assholes who behave likewise - but these are strange times.

I had a contract negotiation one time and I knew it was going to be tricky. The thing is - I’m not a contract lawyer. I don’t negotiate deals for a living. Players are like this too mostly - they don’t negotiate deals for a living. Players - like the rest of us - want and need to focus on what they do and not the haggling over the small print. Most of these guys in power - they’re lawyers - or elite businessmen - and they got a team of lawyers and advisors - board people and enablers. Henchmen, wannabes and pick-me’s surround these guys - they laugh at every joke. They applaud every move. They chronically tell the Emperor his fit is amazing, even when he’s not wearing a stitch. If asked - they’ll wipe an ass. It’s like that. It really is in there. So you’re outmatched from the get go and they like it that way - go figure.

So only one time I hired an agent. I was thoughtful about it. I hired someone with a relationship to the company - someone they already knew. I wanted to take myself out of the drama and let them work it out so I could do my job.

I wanted to avoid drama and personal attacks.

In sports, agency representation is so common we don’t even think about it anymore. A very high percentage of sports broadcasters have an agent. A player - or in my case - a contracted employee - doesn’t want bad feelings to arise during a negotiation. We don’t need or want it to get personal. The reason we hire an advocate is because we’re not good at this - and we want full value for our work. We want what’s fair - and they’re not interested in what’s fair.

If you get nothing else from this piece - know this - they do not care about fair. Fair isn’t a thing.

The reason old pricks like Jerry Jones don’t want players or anyone else to have an agent - is because it will cost them money. They’re interested in winning the negotiation. They’re interested in letting you and everyone else know - they’re in charge - and how fucking dare you.

You will pay and pay severely for even considering this - for these men are numb to severing their own noses; enablers back them with lie upon lie, and add a sturdy helping of trashing the guy who just wanted to do his job and leave the contract negotiations to the guys who do that.

You go up that hill - you’re gonna get crushed.